Terrible Things
by johnnydeemarco
Summary: Hazel and Augustus have switched positions and now Hazel is the one dying from the cancer spreading. This is just a little one-shot about what it felt like for the both of them to deal with her dying.


**This is not my first fanfiction but this is my first TFiOS one. Thanks for reading and I don't own any of the characters because only John Green is amazing enough to come up with them.**

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**Death. **

It was inevitable. People had a certain amount of time on Earth but sometimes, their significant life would be cut short. There were many possibilities that could happen. One, they could die a peaceful death or two, they could suffer. But one of the worst ways to go had to be slowly feeling every organ shutting down and your heart slowly stopping. It would be like the person was being eaten from the inside and nothing would be able to slow it down. For many people with cancer, that's the way they left this eradicate world.

Hazel would rather have the first option but she was content with the latter. The world had destined her to have a cruel and slow death. It was going to be her fighting for air as her lungs slowly filled with fluid so there was no oxygen going to her brain. The scene had played back many times in her under oxygenated brain. The ICU incident had played back in her mind. Hazel was ready to let go until she met him. Augustus Waters changed the way that she thought and felt about death. With the both of them kissing death many times, Hazel had fully accepted that one day, one of them were going to have to live without the other.

It was an unusually cold and bitter day in September when Hazel received the news. The cancer was spreading closer to her heart and there was nothing she could do about it. No amount of antibiotics or chemo was going to slow it down now. Hazel thought that when she heard that news, relief would strike but all she could think about was him. She couldn't leave him, not now. Their love was blossoming into something she couldn't explain. The best way to describe it was to compare it to a romance novel. Hazel was left with the option of telling him what was going on or continue on their love-struck path like nothing was happening to her. Hazel was selfish and blindsided by the fact that she didn't have much time left. Those days couldn't be spent moping around and waiting for oblivion. So Hazel chose to keep it locked away from the world, especially Augustus.

The days that they spent with each other were picture perfect. They would lie around on Gus's bed downstairs and talk about how much they hated Van Houten. There was no talk of death or the possibility of losing each other. Gus seemed genuinely happy now and Hazel the same. That was until he found out. A few weeks after she received the news, her mother called Gus to ask him if he wanted to come to her next doctor's appointment. Gus, confused as to why she would ask, hesitantly agreed to the preposition. That night, he had called Hazel to see why her mother would ask him there. Hazel picked up the phone with a smile on her face.

"Augustus Waters, what a pleasure to hear from you," she said and leaned the phone on her shoulder as she continued to type her next hate letter to Van Houten.

"Hazel, what's going on?" Gus said in a serious tone. It was one of the few times that Hazel had heard him call her by just her name. It was a sign that something was wrong with him or that he knew.

"What do you mean? I'm just writing another e-mail to Peter to tell him how much of a dick he is and how he is a disgrace to literary authors everywhere," Hazel said as she furred her eyebrows slightly, "Gus… are you okay?"

"I should be asking you that. Hazel, your mom called me this morning and asked me to go to your next doctor's appointment. She's never done that before and I started to question why she would do that now. But then, it hit me," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "you're sick again. Or at least more sick than what you were."

"Gus, I was going to tell you, I really was. I didn't want to say anything because I don't know how much time I have left and I wasn't going to spend it moping around and crying," she said, feeling tears starting to flood her eyes, "this is exactly what I didn't want to happen."

"What were you thinking? Hazel Grace, I'm not ready to lose you. You can't… die," Gus said as he tried not to let the sob out from his throat, "I need to see you, I need to hold you. I love you so much, Hazel Grace, okay?"

"Okay," was all that Hazel could get out before the tears had totally annihilated her. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to prepare him for this and be there for him. Hearing him cry had only broken her heart even more. Hazel was finally able to get out a few more words, "I'll be right over." Then, with that, she disconnected the call and grabbed her purse. After telling her parents where she was going, Hazel was on her way to the epitome of her existence.

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When she arrived at Gus's house, she was met outside with a giant hug from a puffy eyed man. Her arms wrapped around him and the tears fell freely from her eyes. Augustus whispered sweet nothings into her hair as they stood outside of his house. After 10 minutes of weeping out front, they decided to go downstairs. Hazel didn't want to cry like this in front of him. This could have been her last good day and she would have spent it crying instead of actually living. The star crossed lovers sat on the couch, her practically in his lap, while they had on the movie 'V is for Vendetta'. Hazel was at a loss of words and found comfort in his embrace. Gus was the first one to speak up.

"Hazel Grace, I need to say something," he announced in a hoarse voice, "you need to hear it just once."

"Gus, please don't do this. Not right now," Hazel pleaded and kept her eyes on the T.V, not wanting to look up into his blue eyes and see the brokenness he felt.

"Please. Just… let me tell you how much you mean to me. After Caroline passed, I wasn't sure how I could go on. Even when she was mean after the tumor, I still really did like her. Hazel Grace, you became one of the best things that have happened to me. I didn't think that I could let someone in again but you have proved me wrong. I love you, more than you know," Gus said, smiling down at the girl and rubbed her hair.

Hazel looked at him, tears flooding her eyes. She didn't want him to do this, not now. This was supposed to be their good day before the storm and it turned out to be a raging war. It took everything in her to sit there and not leave. Her lungs were sucking badly today so going up those stairs fast wasn't an option. Hazel felt stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"I love you too but you don't need to say your goodbyes, I'm going to be fine and everything is going to get better. With a fake smile, she looked down at her hands and let out a sigh, knowing that the words that she spoke were untrue.

"Whatever you say but Hazel Grace, I will not let you be brought into the abyss of oblivion before I do. I don't want that for you. Okay?"

"Okay," was all that Hazel replied with. Okay was enough for enough for Augustus to be content because after that, he did not say anything else to her. They lay there that night, one with hopeful thoughts and the other that knew the truth of the situation. The pair of lovers was content that night and it became Hazel's last good night before everything spiraled.

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Three days later, she had floated into oblivion. Her death had been a horrific one. She was unable to move because the fluid moved with her. The cancer had consumed her. On her deathbed, Hazel was unrecognizable. Her pale figure had become shrunken and her face was dipped in by her cheekbones. Gus was notified immediately and was at the hospital in less than 5 minutes, which meant he had to be driving around 20 miles about the speed limit.

The realization of his Hazel had not set in for a few hours. While sitting in the waiting room, he kept his attitude up, almost not wanting to believe that she could really be gone. But then, like a hurricane, the feelings had hit him hard. He had basically thrown a fit in the waiting room with tears streaming down his face. He didn't want to live in a world without her. The next 12 hours were hell for him, almost tearing the place down and getting kicked out of the hospital. The world had fell down on him hard and oblivion was now a place which he had not feared but wanted if it meant that he could be with her.

Gus knew that he would no longer be able to say okay again or be able to read 'An imperial Infliction'. It hurt, to think that he would never hear that voice again or enjoy seeing her in sweatpants and her always complaining that she wasn't cute enough. His life was more affected by this death than Caroline's because of the connection he shared with Hazel. That connection was what fueled him to continue to live with his cancer. Without her, he felt like he had nothing. He was completely and utterly alone in this cruel world of good kids dying of cancer and bad people who got to live normal lives. Because of that, Augustus Waters knew that his perspective on life had changed all because of Hazel Grace.

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**Thank you for reading! Reviews make me feel good. ****J**


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